I want to share something on the topic of how we can get into bullying and that dynamic in our childhood that it so uncomfortable.  It occurred to me that perhaps when we go to school as children, we actually get socialized in our adult life; and how we perceive the world as though it is threatening and attacking - from how we were socialized into this whole dynamic of threat and attack by our insecurities from our parents and growing up in school.

One of my clients reminded me of how she was so scared in her upbringing and not feeling good about her attachments to her parents and how loved she was.  She recalled being surrounded in a classroom at school where the boys were all picking on one girl and she was feeling a lot of guilt and remorse for not doing anything about it, in fact, she even sided with one girl who was also bullying this young girl, although she wasn’t active and she wondered why was she doing that, she didn’t feel good about it at all, was regretful and felt sick about it while this girl was being bullied.  And it is interesting how we can see that even as young children we tend to gravitate to what might make us feel safe, where the power lies, because of our own insecurity; and then we judge it, feel guilty about it and we are actually attacking ourselves then, on the inside of our psyche. 

It's interesting to look at that and to actually allow yourself to remember those kinds of things, if they did happen, and to begin to let go of how you were socialized into this whole viewpoint of feeling insecure - perhaps trying to guide yourself towards what felt like the safe route; doing things that are not really what you wanted to do if you really thought about it, but not having the courage to see it at the time.

Could you allow yourself to just look at what are the things that I am judging and making me feel guilty?

Could you just welcome that you were just doing what you needed to do at the time because you felt unsafe?

Could you welcome the guilt?

Could you welcome that as a feeling and begin to really make that discernment here now in this moment where nothing is really happening and you are completely safe?

When you really take a look around and see this moment now, you are always safe and you can look at guilt in a new way; you can look at anything that has happened in a new way, you can see it just simply as feelings, memories and just things that happened, that were actually pretty natural and now is the time to simply let that go and to realize that you are safe and you’re fine and maybe you always have been! 

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